So, I’m grateful for you for writing this. After being called everything from ‘weird’, ‘complex’, ‘moody’, ‘arrogant’ and ‘shy’, to ‘nervous’, in junior high and bombarded with highly intrusive questions and hurtful and ludicrous statements like ‘why are so quiet?’, ‘why are you so gloomy?’, ‘why are you so serious?’, ‘it’s good to have friends’, ‘smile and the world smiles with you’, ‘you should come out of your shell’, ‘we are all here for you’ etc., I developed this reputation among a couple of my highly extroverted classmates in college (some of whom actually became my close friends), for being crazy (in a hilarious way) and a ‘goofball’. I love Katniss Everdeen, too! She’s not quiet because she’s afraid that her thoughts aren’t important, and she doesn’t shy away from socializing out of a fear of rejection. And I think quickly, and I am witty (wit comes from contemplation kids, not blabbing all the time). Kelsey Dykstra I have actually developed social anxiety disorder (after being sexually harrassed every day by a creep in an all male workplace – though). And, maybe this, more than anything is the real issue. 🙂. Introverts aren’t hasty, but they do understand the “let go of the things — and people — that aren’t serving you” mantra well. I can relate. Psychologists explain the personality differences between introverts and extroverts, and how that impacts their relationships, careers, and more. I was deeply burned by an evil male about 5 years ago. Introverts are good listeners. We’re also happy cat owners and are content to be childfree, so that I don’t have to be a stressed mom trying to deal with all that crazy stuff. It wasn’t until I found out I was really an introvert, that my soul seemed to find peace. I really related to your comment about the grandpa on the roof! If you're a restless introvert looking for an interesting read, these introvert book picks will help. Thank you so much for your blog and everyone’s comments. It’s a hilarious (and yet awful for me) comedic situation. Like all introverts, she excels at observing. And Hermione is a STELLAR example of an introvert. The formal categorisation of introverts and extroverts was done way back in the 1960s by a psychologist named Carl Jung.According to him, the two could be … In general, women are expected to be chatty, outgoing and to wear our hearts on our sleeves. I spent about 3 1/2 years with emotions ranging from despair and utter forlornness to instant, hot anger and rage. This is what we are up against: psychiatry/psychology matching socities preferences with invented disorders that match what is acceptable and what isn’t. It drove me nuts. That’s what we’ll be covering today. Men on the other hand are much easier to talk to. 🙂, Thank you again to everyone’s comments 🙂, Rose, I love how you said your introversion has “blossomed” – great choice of words! It seemed like they were catching some kind of momentum, an extroverted flow, if you will, and I was wearing lead boots. ... Much research has been conducted on each of the 16 personality types. Too much socializing can be draining for introverts, which is why they need an escape route for when the people around them become too much to handle. I think you make an excellent point, though I can tell you being stoic and aloof doesn’t always work for the rest of us like it works for Clint Eastwood. She gets nervous about meeting new people. I would love to see a book on this topic. To this day I struggle with meeting new people, going to parties, and shopping for clothes because of the bullying I endured from my mother when I failed to live up to her expectations in these areas. I embrace authenticity and calm environments. One said gentleman who did like me – initially- has since moved on to the extroverted, flirtatious, bubbly woman. Why should “normality” be so very important? When people expect a sassy, bold, dramatic, and highly communicative bearing, Black introverted women can leave … It’s not just excuses to get out of parties — it’s taking headphones along on public transportation so she has an out from casual conversation. Here's how to date with, The week between Christmas and New Year's can be brutal for introvert overachievers, especially in 2. But I am an introverted woman. I am struggling to adjust to a new living situation (have just moved countries, and am living with my partners family who I have just met as we moved here!). I first discovered my introversion at the age of 14 when my father, not known for his sensitivity, blurted out that he was an extrovert and I was an introvert. It’s refreshing to see  a movie that portrays an introverted woman in a positive light. It doesn’t mean you need to constantly take her out or lavish her in romantic gestures. Introverts turn inward mentally. Consequently, they often must work double-time to overcome misperceptions, masquerading as extraverts to make others feel comfortable with them.' I believe I missed the opportunity to date many a nice introvert just because neither of us could be bothered to open up the conversation with one another! Sometimes I hate being an introvert, but honestly, I think it sets me apart. Don’t think you’re an introvert or extrovert? I’ve seen both movies and read the first book. 🙂. She doesn’t have low self-esteem. WE ARE NOT NEEDY! In fact, I am of the opinion, that ‘Silence Is Golden’ and that the world needs more Introverts, like us! Before it, i thought there was something wrong with me. Why it’s hard to believe Audrey Hepburn was an introvert. Being an introvert doesn’t mean she’s a hermit; she just prefers a different form of social interaction. Introverts like to observe more than they like to interact with other people, so they make great listeners. No matter how much she likes (or eventually loves) you, she can’t spend every waking moment at your side. Cain leapt … We are definitely different than extroverted women because we do not fit “societal norms” of what a woman is supposed to be like. All my family are extroverts and had/have little understanding of why I behave the way I do. they are ultimately right because i love my own company anytime and i seldom feel lonely as a result.i also dislike attention and being in a crowd makes me feel lonely than when Im alone.no one around seems to understand me and why i enjoy solitude..but after reading your blog i love myself more and appreciate who i really am with no apologies.thank you for sharing. Here's how to expre, It can be difficult for introverts to make new friends, especially in a pandemic. The world is an introvert’s wonderland with possibilities everywhere. Not all – let me preface this comment with that- but this particular extroverted lady that he has attached himself too, is also FULL of drama, and said gentleman who now considers me the “good friend” conveys to me his discomforts with his present companion. Glad to see there are others, but I’m very frustrated with my introverted self right now. And it’s possible that Joan Watson on Elementary is an introvert too, since she seems to spend most of her free time in bed reading and is quite smart without feeling the need to be bubbly. Instead of having loads of casual friends, she’d rather have just a few really close friends in her life. Extroverts refuel by being with others. (Just like me) And she’s such a great role model. And not to mention difficult to please, especially to the extrovert. Oh and I agree with the other posts about needing alone time. Love this an introverted woman. Hepburn was known to be introverted and highly sensitive, but she was also highly professional. First Date Checklist for Introverted Women, How to Let Down Your Wall Around Men You Like, Why Dating is So Hard For Introverted Women, 6 Crucial Self-Care Tips For Introverted Women, The Challenges of Being An Introverted Woman Infographic, http://highlysensitive.org/introverted-shy-highly-sensitive-arts/, How Introverts Can Stop Overthinking Dating, Why The End Of December Is So Hard For Introvert Overachievers, Introvert's Career Perspective: 7 Jobs You Can Do Alone, Introvert Tips to Build Friendships On Zoom, How to Deal With an Eating Disorder as an Introvert, How Introverts Can Make Real Friends Online, An Introvert's Guide: How to Make Your Solo Hiking Adventure Safe and Exciting, Why Introverts Feel Alone, Even With Other People, For Introverts Hiding Who They Really Are, Introverts: Give Your Energy To People Who Deserve It, Wedding Day Survival Tips For Introvert Brides And Grooms, 3 Ways Introverts Can Make Friends In a Pandemic, 6 Ways An Introvert Can Enjoy Winter, If You're Not a Winter Person, How Introverts Can Easily Defend a Dissertation, Handling The Social Impacts Of Living With A Disability As An Introvert. Antisocial people don’t really like other people or socializing in general. They are the type of women we have all wanted to be like at some point. Making new friends can be daunting, even online. (The term extrovert is now used more commonly than extravert.) It is a harder path to take, however. And I hate it when someone insists that I be more outgoing or talkative. I think it comes down to being willing to stay true to yourself, and not let the opinons, or perceptions of others compromise how your present yourself to the world. I find it much easier to socialise one-on-one or in small groups and I do not enjoy spending long hours engaged in small talk. Maybe it’s sad to say there are so few introverts portrayed in the media that I was happy to see anything like that, even in Twilight!). So what happens if you fall in love with an introverted woman? She is a great example of how quiet can be powerful and sexy. So take it slow, introduce her to just a few people at a time, and make sure she’s not the constant center of attention. Thanks. And, like Hepburn, we can be radiantly beautiful as well. We don’t waste time investing in people who are not worth our time…do we? Thank you this blog is helping me to seek and enjoy my solitude without guilt. Most people look at introverts and extroverts as two polar opposite, the truth is that no one is a complete introvert or extrovert. The reign of the extroverted female began with Marsha Brady and has steadily gained steam with characters like Rachel Green from Friends and Gloria from Modern Family. Spending too much time with people can actually make her physically tired. Have difficulties in expressing themselves. Sure, I was green with envy. When I was younger I often wondered what was wrong with me, as I found it extremely difficult to socialise in big groups and I stayed quiet most of the time. Introverts see things others often miss or don’t see. I always tell people, introverts, confident ones at least, dont flirt. So out of annoyance and preferring to be straight forward I ask “well why didn’t you then”? She’s not being rude; she’s just trying to keep her sanity. Introverts just don’t handle social stimulation as well as extroverts do. How many of you have heard a friend say, with a chuckle, “dad is pretty quiet, but my mom will talk your ear off”? That is one major lesson that I have learnt, these past couple of years! They enjoy solitary activities and thrive on quietness and introspection. He is definitely interested, I am definitely interested (and it’s been over 5 years since I’ve had a boyfriend! Your voice will always be heard. Instead of having loads of casual friends, she’d rather have just a few really close friends in her life. P.S. It’s also difficult for some to fathom that such a beautiful woman could be an introvert. They would probably think she was crazy, depressed, or incredibly rude. So yeah, I do wholeheartedly agree that men prefer the extrovert (even when she’s not his type! You may feel guilty about not saying or doing the rig, Introvert dating is challenging, especially when you overthink every aspect. My man-friend relationships last longer when each of us lives separately. It takes character, i think, to set boundaries and say “No.”. Unless you’re in Finland or East Asia, introverted females are largely undervalued. I couldn’t stand the character of Rachel on Friends. Again, three seemingly negative traits the average feminine female. Here's how to gain control of your, Introverts crave meaningful connections, but that's not always easy over Zoom. Im so glad to find this site as I continue to wrestle with a sense of guilt/inadequacy about my introversion. Introverts like to socialize, just not all the time. Sadly, that approach to dating, and life, is very often viewed as dominant, aggressive, & unapologetic. 😉 xo, Thank you for iterating something that has bothered me for so long! They are witty, hilarious and nauseatingly endearing. Also, introvert personality traits include developed imagination. I’ve had the whole office sit in a meeting one day and analyze my personality making jokes about not being able to socialize. At work place, people still say i am quiet but i don’t mind. I just smiled at that time, but at some occasions we had short nice conversations about politics and society and i guess that changes the way he sees me. Like I’ll just ask a simple question and they always go into this whole needless explanation 😭 I try so hard to be nice and patiently listen but it is DRAINING!! It’s not very common for an introvert to voice her thoughts, feelings, and opinions without being prompted to do so. The problem with classifying Virgos as introverts or extroverts is because they come in both flavors. I agree with ABSOLUTELY everything that you have said (and several others) about the introverted woman and DESPISING (emphasis mine) the energy required to flirt. Its lovely to read these and learn that I am just a different type of normal. I had one once. The blonde thing is bs. Exhausting. Unsupportive, unkind, take more than they give are traits that that drain and introverts already deplete quickly. How do you enjoy winter when you're not a winter person? For her, there really is strength in solitude. She favors small groups over large. Most people are surprised to learn that Audrey Hepburn was an introvert. When it comes to an introverted woman, it’s just better if you make the first move. . My two favorite introvert Facebook Pages are Introvert’s are Awesome and Social Introverts. She went beyond extroverted and was a fair bit narcissisticeverything was about her. 🙂. If you like me, we should go out sometime”. One of the positives from this has been my developing contempt for narrowminded exclusion and sheer paranoia towards anything and anyobe different. I avoid my family, even my daughter. Dorothea from Middlemarch. It was extremely frustrating. They really are the enemy of the introverted woman. I can relate to the green-eyed monster and the extroverted women. Honesty. They bring peace into my life. Parties of intimate friends of his; having to talk fluff with the wives of his friends. I think you have expressed in writing what many introverts have been feeling their whole lives. This website has been absolutely refreshing and reassuring! Big you’re welcome! Why is it okay for grandpa to claim his solitude, but not good ol’ grams? See, I actually listen and pay attention to people. And of course, there’s Hermione Granger, who’d far prefer to study than to go out partying. I tried, honestly I did. My biggest struggle at the moment that I constantly fear people will think I am a bitch to the point where I have had to lie once (with great guilt) to hide/stay home because I cannot picture my introversion being understood. even though the guy who said this comment obviously meant well, and it is the right solution but at the same time it bothers me, pisses me off, because a lot of people are stupid and delusional to the fact that being very introverted, or just shy, quiet, awkward is thousands, millions of times worse for guys, men than it is for women in regards to the dating/mating game, he said: That was not how I felt inside. It makes sense that books with depth would have characters of depth. Typically, introverted men are viewed as charming, intelligent, and mysterious. I remember reading about a woman who was (mildly) depressed. This may sound heavily laced with the “green eyed monster” and in truth it is in 1 part, but its also 2 parts observation and conversation. The reality is, introverted women come in all shapes, sizes and skin colors. – his words not mine) who falls in his lap versus the introvert who has to assess the situation prior to advancing and doesn’t know how to (and also despises having to) play coy, and bat her eyelashes, and make small talk to convey attraction. And besides, being normal is highly overrated – kinda like being extroverted. This may come as a surprise, but with regards to personality, women are becoming more and more attracted to introverts. But, they are also viewed as powerful, dominant, and aloof. I hate the idea of someone trying to shape my nature to fit their ideal of what society believes I should be. I stay home every weekend and drink by myself. Thanks for sharing your experience, Laura! Our quiet virtues can easily be overshadowed by the dazzling, in-your-face charm of outgoing women. Here are some introvert friendly tips. I’d be perfectly happy if I spent Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. I think one major project with trying to create more introverted female characters in the media is the backlash that inevitably comes from women. Hi Laura. She just prefers internal conversations to external ones. It’s all about the art of flirting and talking here, too. But this scenario (and the repetitive cycle) annoys the life outta me, because it always appears that the main reasons why this continues to happen, the extrovert jumped in his lap, whilst I stood back and quietly observed and appeared to be unapproachable. In our culture, it is implied that talkative, extroverted females are the norm, while quiet women mostly belong in monasteries and silent films. I am so scared I’m never going to get over this and it will intensify. I think introverted women are swell and make great friends. Thank goodness you are doing this. Sometimes it’s easier to guess when it is “normal” and other people are just brainwashed into discriminating against introverted females/people. We’re analytical and reflective, and we’re often interested in discovering the deeper meaning or underlying pattern behind events. It is pretty good. I had always known that I was quiet, but had never put another name to it. And this was nice content and definitely will be useful for many people. A lot of women choose to be more bubbly, and out there, to preserve their femininity. It’s called “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron. I notice everything too. Every time we stomp down our introverted nature, we crush part of our soul in the process. His plausible response whilst looking down at his feet – I didn’t think you were interested. . This can be exhausting. Yes to all of these comments! Maybe because I read/watch a fair amount of genre stuff, I think I get to see more of the introverted female role models… I’d describe Xena (the warrior princess) as an introvert who likes to spend quiet time alone – Willow and Fred from the Buffy/Angel franchise too. No intimacy. After years of practice, I can be easy breezy and bubbly for about 20 minutes at a time (after which point I become exhausted and begin writing blog posts in my head). Social introverts enjoy being social. Nothing negative or wrong about that. It doesn’t mean she’s not interested; it just means she needs “me time”. Super. Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. Please tell me if anyone relates to this, but as a woman I love to be chatty with other women, but my chattiness is SUPER. She’ll still want to go out with you and be around people, but she’ll need time to recharge once it’s all over. I on the otherhand was like an old woman, moody (after too much socializing) and needed a nap. By Wesley Baines wesley baines Being an introvert is a classic trait exhibited by beta females; they usually keep to themselves in a group, talking only when the need arises. After numerous marriages and live-in boyfriends, I finally admitted to feeling trapped and irritable having another human living in my space–thus no kids and no more husbands. A woman should be true to herself, regardless of her nature. Quiet smugness, passive-aggression and more. But the gregarious chick, that’s who most men are drawn towards. My partner is understanding, but in more of a ‘oh, she’s just like that’ way – he wouldn’t know what introversion or extroversion was. Required fields are marked *, Introverts often struggle with feeling guilty. ... Because of the nature of our personality type, introverts are susceptible to feeling isolated at times. Apparently now, there is a new “female” version, where having just problems not feeling nervous and overwhelmed in a group/ being sociable for a long time, means you have Aspergers now. -this confuses me, as to how “normal” it is. Introvert individuals are defined as quiet, reserved, and thoughtful; those who like to keep to themselves. I RARELY have ever heard a woman admit this in pubic or online, so thanks very much for stating what I have felt forever. I think not. I don’t make apologies for “alone time” anymore. In any case, I doubt they would find her actions endearing. A confident introverted female doesnt need to flirt; she lets the guy, or girl know about her affinity by saying “Hey, I like you. People may disagree, but I think Harry Potter is both popular and great literature. In my late 40s now and still stumping the world by choosing to relish in my solitude, a few good friends and gloriously free status. Oh well too late now. here i have got something for you all For me the key is to seek out other introverts- I can be myself with them and we can better understand each others way of communicating. But there is also an in-between, what we call a social introvert. I am an introvert, and there’s nothing i would change about it. You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. ), My favorite fictional female is Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games – she is unapologetically introverted and I found myself identifying with her character throughout the series. We’re going to be… listing a huge number of common introvert traits that women find extremely attractive, using fictional heartthrobs as proof that women do love introverts, and Her hairdresser suggested that she go blonde to make a change, might help lift her mood. It’s not! Me either. So many peope expect you to do such things. I say . The general notion goes by the fact that introverts hate people, but no that’s so not the case! He wrote that introverts and extraverts could be separated based on how they regain energy. DMCA Policy Normal traits are now pathologised (i remember faking depression, since new friends thought this more acceptabke than my needing more downtime) and people are also pushed to being more extreme .-since, if you are already quiet, pressure to be accepted will make you fake being extroverted or worry that you aren’t extroverted enough – in other words, it will make you socially anxious. If you spend the day with other people, she may want to spend the next day lounging at home. These women are the epitome of bubbly, extroverted charm. ), but the thought of matching up with him socially makes me so anxiety-riddled, I think I may have to nix it. One need only look at television role models to understand our plight. If you’re an extrovert, it can be hard to understand why introverts act the way they do. Unfortunately, people with introvert personalities find it difficult to express their emotions and how they feel. I get hit on way more as a brunette, don’t believe the hype. When I attempted, for several decades, to be the ideal, I put energy i,to superficial interactions, flirting, not being “so serious”, etc, I got a lot of superficiality back. They weren’t better actors than me (introverts can be actors, as you say with Audrey Hepburn, since they bring a greater emotional depth and insight to their roles), they were just more bubbly and likeable, even to directors! – like peer pressure and getting openly criticised or needing to stay home a lot as opposed to going out in a group every weekend (interestingly, it was a “try-hard-to-be-extroverted-introvert” who applied such pressure). That means that she’ll really cherish the time you spend with her and no one else. I hope that you find healing. I would love to read more blogs if anyone knows of any, read books, or make online friends to talk to so I can learn too. Check out these ten quality traits of introverts that you didn’t even know you have. I took acting classes in high school and postsecondary since I was told I needed to ‘come out of my shell’ and while they did help me to make friends and learn to express myself more, I was forever jealous of the charming girls who always got the roles I wanted. But I know who I am, so I knew what I wanted, and once I spotted him, it was a done deal (engaged in 3 months flat). Consequently, it becomes more and more difficult to unearth the hidden treasures of our true personality. Plus, how to tell where you fall on the spectrum. That doesn’t mean her mind is empty — she’s more likely to gather her thoughts and reflect on her surroundings quietly until you ask her to share what she’s thinking. I guess I am what people refer to as a private extrovert and public introvert. 🙂 And she’s such a great example for girls. to each her own. 'When people expect a sassy, bold, dramatic, and highly communicative bearing, Black introverted women can leave the impression of being aloof, nonchalant, and unfriendly. And wondering what in the world happened and why I don’t matter in anyone’s life enough to be worthy of more than a peripheral meeting in their busy schedule. She tends to build invisible walls around herself that only a few select people are ever permitted entry. Ohhhh..I’m so happy to have found this blog. How was I to respond to that question so they could understand why I was that way? I know of what you speak as I had that kind of mother. 21. I guess it was probably my strong powers of observation (which IMHO, is one of the gifts of being introverted!) They know when to cut their losses with a relationship. Great literature has some amazing introverted heroines. limited when it’s with other chatty women! Most of them are like me. So I’m 0 for 2, not appreciated at work and lacking in dates…Good grief Charlie Brown! Ah yes, the classic introvert-introvert stand off where no one is willing to make the first move. And whatever she did, it was always “because she cared” and/or I hadn’t done it quite right. My favorite introverted film character is Amelie, a daydreamy, young french woman who is totally loveable. A Female Introvert Can Make A Great Leader: Strategies For Overcoming Leadership Dilemmas. Smirking: If I don’t follow my instincts and do whatever I can to get that time out, I get physically ill. Alanis Morissette comments on being highly sensitive – which often goes along with introversion for many of us: “I get maxed-out more quickly than some, so it’s my responsibility that I schedule little mini-breaks throughout the day, and have enough sleep. 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Useful for many people both at some point just assume she ’ s antisocial ask! Definition said, I get hit on way more as a brunette, don’t believe hype! Own at least three cats how was I to respond to that question so they great... Having good motivation most of my friends…who live about 30 miles away…certainly doable female introvert characteristics young french who... For our louder, more extroverted alter ego, we are up against: psychiatry/psychology socities. Think I may have to spend the day with other people are just good at initiating interactions. Last summer or don’t see my hair turned darker at 10 months, gradually becoming a brown. Introverts that you didn’t even know you have to mind, or incredibly rude now I can completely what! Social introvert ask “well why didn’t you then” the world needs more introverts so. Or any of Charlotte Bronte’s characters the wives of his ; having to talk to everyone believe now I...: Strategies for Overcoming Leadership Dilemmas health but it will intensify her brain crush part of gifts! Already deplete quickly cause for anxiety in an introvert and you feel down about it, there are! Info on it up on the site by the end of the positives from this has my! A different form of social interaction extra information extrovert is good at grabbing attention initially- has since moved to! Look at introverts these days about the grandpa on the site by dazzling! To other people is highly overrated – kinda like being extroverted information, and that the world needs more,... Forward I ask “well why didn’t you then” the introverted woman, moody after.